February 2012
179 posts
WatchThis is a video where I sing Taylor Swift to a friend while barreling down Interstate 74 East.
FUX WIT ME.
Seriously, I'm gonna be the best Dad some day.
Horny Dumpster Cat
There’s a cat in heat outside my window. It’s meowing as if it were dying and I can see it rubbing up against the dumpster just waiting for another cat.
And somehow I feel like it’s a visual representation of my life right now.
Welcome to my life, horny dumpster cat.
You’re gonna be kickin’ yourself one of these days.
WatchHALLLLLOOOO?!
SORRY BOUT YOUR PANTIES!
A Business Venture:
I am now offering my services as a third wheel on dates!
I will announce your presence obnoxiously when you enter a room as your own personal hype man, take claim of any of your farts to save you embarrassment, and suggest topics of conversation during awkward silences such as “Teen Mom” and “Nancy Reagan”.
I also specialize in assisted escapes and can DJ those intimate,...
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